The following is a guest post from Asher Leigh, musician/songwriter, award winning life coach (Best of Western North Carolina 2012), TRIBE Builder, and a beautiful spark that is changing the world through her recently launched Kickstarter campaign. You can find out more about Asher at http://www.asherleighz.com
Back and forths…
Flip-flopping between “which one,” “can’t decide,” and “yes or no”…
These are the familiar memories I have when I think of all the times I tried to tackle the tiresome dilemma most of us have some kind of issue with — commitment.
If you are saying to yourself, “Hmm, I have never really had problems deciding…” I would kindly call you a liar – an unconscious one, of course.
I mean let’s be honest – we all have struggled with what to order at restaurants, which shirt makes our hips look best, and what to do on a Friday night. Can we go ahead and admit though, that these smaller commitment crises really have an underlying source?
Maybe the wobbly relationship we’ve been in for years, the job we only feel 25% recognized in, or the looming question of where we REALLY want to live, have all been creating symptoms of indecisiveness everywhere else in our lives. Yeah, can we go ahead and say it?
But before I accuse you of denials I’m not really sure you’re making, I should tell you a little bit more about who I am, and what my own trek with commitment has uncovered for me…
Today, I know that I am a songwriter. I am also a singer, a believer in magic, and a seeker of passionate expression and creativity. But before I realized I was all of these things (aka, before I knew myself and my purpose), I had some big issues with commitment.
Being an indecisive person was basically part of my identity: Spending much too long in shampoo isles, aggravating tired waitresses who just wanted to take my order when everyone else was ready, and lolly-gagging morning after morning in a closet full of perfectly fine choices of clothing – none of which seemed to ever boldly call my name. It wasn’t until I began to face “the big one” though, that I discovered the reason I never knew what I wanted.
On a deeper level, my reality 5 years ago was that I was still settling for something I did NOT want – a relationship that was not in line with my authentic self. And (as commonly occurs) when the world’s standards said it was time to dive in, the shell I was living from said “Yes! Let’s get married. This IS what I want.”
But have you ever tried to make yourself eat stale pretzels, and commit to doing it every day??? It was kind of like that.
There was a part of me that knew my heart was not fully into the decision. There was still a bigger part of me, that feared what that meant. What would happen if I ended the relationship? Who else could I find that was this comfortable? Why would I stay so long if I wasn’t happy? Why can’t I feel blessed that such a wonderful person loves me? What could I do differently to JUST MAKE IT WORK???
At that point, I learned my first conscious lesson about commitment. I realized that I could not have the authentic life I wanted, and still be romantically involved with someone who was not exciting me. I was not attracted to eating stale pretzels every day, and I was also not attracted to this person.
To make a long story very very short, I did end that relationship. And by closing a very heavy door to one road I did NOT want, (although I didn’t quite realize it at the time) I was opening another very important door that led to the most important commitment I would start learning to make – the commitment to myself, and my evolving purpose.
So why aren’t we always ready to close and open the doors we know we should? How come it is so hard to get out of an ambiguous relationship with a person, a job, a city? For me, and I think many, it is because we are scared shitless. Scared that we actually might get to have what we want. Scared that maybe we don’t deserve what we really want. Scared that it is not there. Scared that we might not be good enough or worthy enough of a life that is perfectly fulfilling, in all the ways we dream…
Well, I have decided this. I deserve more than just stale pretzels, and so do you.
For me, my old life stale pretzel equivalents were an unfulfilling relationship, a career doing work I hated, and living in a city that did not fulfill my creative desires. My new life? My commitment? My passions?
I am a songwriter, a singer, and a creative inspiration. I am using my music, and my creative gifts to power-charge as many as I can with the notion that you CAN live the life you choose. The Kickstarter campaign I have just launched is my commitment to that intention. I am asking for community support now to raise $10,000 to fund my first studio album, AND to launch the music career I’ve always dreamed of.
I am taking a HUGE leap of faith, and asking YOU to do the same. What stale pretzels can you get rid of today? And more importantly, what would you like to replace them with…
Inspired? Support the cause, and get FIRED UP.